Flight to the past...

After spending another day in office, it was time to go back home. Month of May, 6:15 in the evening, sun had begun to set... Unlike the days usually are in month of May, the sky had clouds and winds, giving a bit of relief to people and hopes to mother earth which was getting parched after bearing heat blows for the entire day. For the past one year in office, i have drawn one conclusion, that it is just the age and the environment of the place that stops most people from running to the gates of office, just like school kids do when the day is called off. I was feeling just the same. Folding the cuffs of my shirt, and loosening my tie, i walked down to cab. This twilight time of the day is one of my favourite time slots since childhood as this used to be my play time when i was a kid. Along with 6 other people who slog and rub their arses against the office chair with me, I left for the day. Some took out their phones and started babbling, some closed their eyes to relax after a taxing day, and a few started gossiping about office. I was in no mood to crib and therefore, decided to plug in earphones of my music player and enjoy my solitude amidst crowd. With one my favourite tracks playing "Tanha dil, tanha safar, dhunde tujhe fir kyu nazar..." its mystic video ran through my mind and our cab begun to move... Within a fraction of second, it caught a speed of 90 km/hr, thanks to driver bhaiya who should better be called pilot bhaiya...Its risky, but when its about going back home, nobody stops him from doing that! Wide Gurgaon highway passing by me like a bullet, i leaned on the car seat, and put my head on the back-rest to see wide-blue sky... clouds, birds flying back to their nests, cool breeze caressing my face, my mind took a flight to past and this was the time i took out for myself...

Thoughts of my childhood flashed in my mind, and i remembered the days when at this time i was out of my house holding cricket bat and cosco ball, and called my Friends by shouting their names aloud outside their houses. Play time was a must to reduce the so called "tensions of school"... School, which seemed horrible then, was actually loads of fun. Around April, sessions used to begin, and i used to be totally geared up to go to a new class. Smell of new books and plastic covers of copies, new stationary, drawing file... everything used to infuse a new spirit. I still remember how first day in a new class used to go just in giving introductions, how we used to stand in ques to go to music and art rooms, how shirts and hands used to get stained with ink when we moved to ink-pens from pencils in class 6. It made us feel that we have grown up... pencils are for kids, pens are a sign of maturity! Crazy... how did we not notice any other signs of maturity... specially in girls, which are hard to overlook??? :) Summer vacations, holiday homework, making charts and models, craft work, i miss everything so much.... Where are those days gone? Why cant we still feel the same happiness around us? Only one answer that struck me was that we have stopped living in the moment...

I didn't realize when 45km journey ended and i finally got off my cab to walk to home. It had rained a bit in this area and the smell of wet soil pushed me deeper into nostalgia...Everything was still same around me, children were playing in the colony park, ladies were gossiping and going to buy milk for home, some were taking evening walk... The atmosphere was same... it is just me who has changed...

Perspectives...

Helllooooooo... it has been a long long time since i last wrote anything on my blog... mannnn... i have just become too lazy to do anything in life... don't know what is the purpose, how would my entire life be, and will i continue doing what i am doing right now till i die???? Which is - "NOTHING"??? My perspectives towards life are changing yaar... and sometimes i feel that it is all about perspectives... i mean the fundamental truth and theory of our life is "our perspective". No "geeta saar" can define life, and no osho's philosophy can show you the path to a happy life and salvation... humbug, to me it all can be summed under one philosophy of "perspectives"...

The other day my friends were telling me "Ajay you have changed a lot"... Of course i have, my perspective towards life has changed, with time every person is bound to change... So to all the wives and girlfriends in the world, i am sure you don't think the way you used to when you were young... dolls get substituted by boys and gossips... older you grow they get substituted by just gossips... even older... and finally you get substituted. :)

My boss tells me what are my mistakes, my improvement areas, what i did wrong in my project, but is it necessary that what he thinks i have done wrong is the right logic??? Bloody perspective again.... I supposed what i was doing was right and that is why i did it, now how can you say that his logic of evaluation of a matter is superior to mine??? Bloody bosses....... hmmmmm

Its not about being headstrong or not flexible enough to accept your mistakes, but its just about opening up your mind and thinking from all angles... "Entertaining a stranger thought/idea without accepting is the sign of an educated and developed mind"... Then why most of us think that we are right and the other person is not??? And the shittiest thing is that this set of people includes me......and every person, at some point of time in life...

People say that not everything is black and white... there are shades of grey.... but to me most of the portion in this big picture of life is filled with grey shade... we are not computers, which can defy a logic on the basis of certain set commands and codes... no list of commands or premises can be exhaustive for query of life... calling a thing right just because you think its right is not a very right thing to do... right??? Anyways right think for me now is to think what is right for me to do for the life whichis left! That is setting the right perspective....Ciao...byeeeeeee...

Crescendo of Terror

Its time to celebrate, happiness is all around and fireworks in Mumbai are substantitaing this statement. You must be wondering, what is this shitty sadist guy saying... But I feel whatever is happening is justified, remembering what I read in my primary class' Civics book, "interest of minority must be sacrificed if its for the welfare of majority of people". Now tell me who is not benefitting of this unfortunate attack? First and foremost, terrorists, they have been successful and have managed to create this attack a world issue. Media is taking this attack as a "pot- boiler" event and is making money by making news. Politicians, creating heat in the political arena by using the fire that is burning Mumbai. Lastly, people like us who are callous of what happened and are being mere gallery players... So if I analyze the overall situation, other than a few mumbaikars, hardly anyone of us is affected by it! Aint'it???

This might sound as a satire, but at the same time I also feel this is my frustration that is speaking up. What rights do we have to blame anyone, when we ourselves are not doing anything. I do not blame politicians, i do not blame red tapism in our country, i do not blame security loopholes, i do not blame muslims and i do not blame hindus for it. [On this, sometimes i feel that terror in today's world is actually better than humanity... Hindus or Muslims, its ubiquitous. It atleast does'nt discriminate on the basis of caste. Groups like Al-qaida, LeT and People like sandhya mata are taking care of it well, discharging her responsibility of being a spiritual guru and helping people attain salvation by actually killing them.] The only ones to be blamed are us, who are sitting like pansies and doing nothing... I remember a quote by Shiv Khera here, "if you are not a part of the solution then you are definitely a part of the problem"...Yesterday when I went to the office, everything was functioning normally, no change, nobody was concerned... People were busy discharging roles of organizational citizenship without realizing their citizenship towards country.

But really i cant blame anyone as me, myself have not done anything... I am so ashamed of myself that I am not able to contribute anything when my country needs me... All I can do is express my anger to subside my guilt. Everyone, my family, my friends, my cab-mates say that what can we do, how can we bring a change? How will the lighting a candle or conducting a unity march to india gate bring any relief to the sufferers? But before making a change, a change needs to be initiated... Lets at least send across a message that yes we are all together...

Dekhta hun main jise who chup teri mehfil mein hai,

Aye shaheed-e-mulk-o-millat main tere oopar nisaar,

Ab teri himmat ka charcha ghair ki mehfil mein hai,

Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai...

Wo jism bhi kya jism hai jismein na ho khoon-e-junoon,

Toofaanon se kya lade jo kashti-e-saahil mein hai,
Chup khade hain aaj saare bhai mere khaamosh hain,

Na karo, to kuchh kaho mazhab mera mushkil mein hai,
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai,

Dekhna hai zor kitna baazuay qaatil mein hai...

Elections will be held tomorrow and though we have hobson's choice in terms of candidates, still I will make sure I discharge my responsibility towards my nation. It may not improve the situation, but it will not even worsen it...

I salute the sufferers of Mumbai attack, they have not been the victims of terror, they are the martyrs of this terror attack.

H- "itching" Up!

My hands have been itching for so long to write something on this topic... After reading suspense novels of Alfred Hitchcock, next mystery that my mind wants to unfold is of itch-cocks! Yes, I have been watching other men scratching their private parts in public since chilhood...And one thing that always came to my mind is why? What's the problem?Why dont u get rid of it, if it is troubling you so much...Well it is so common in our uncivilized Indus Valley "Civilization" that as a kid I used to think that this is symbolic of manliness( I mean so many of them used to do it) and did it even when I was not feeling itchy!( No more now, I am much more sophesticated and polished now..:) Scratching is also quite a phenomenon, and their are variety of people who do it in so many ways...There are some who find pleasure in doing this thing, they would keep rubbing it while talking to someone, while waiting, while thinking, while doing everything... Helloooo....you have a ginnie in your willy?? Will it come out by rubbing and fulfill your wishes? Then there are people who do it out of pain, uneasiness keeps disturbing them. But no sympathy for them, c'mon, a bigger sized underwear is not gonna cost a fortune, after all "ye aaraam ka maamla hai". The other day, I met my friend, he was a little disturbed because of his problems, n I noticed one more problem...He stood with me for about 10 mins and not for a single minute his hands got off his balls...Our conversation was something like:

Me: aur ladke, kaisa hai? Howz job going?

He: Kahan yaar, I left that job... 'Nothing is in place', I don't know whats happening. things are going just in the wrong direction'..."Yes, I am so sure of it, you are trying to bring them back to their places with your hands...Moron..."

Me:Don't worry yaar, things will get better...I know, you must be putting in your best..." I can so well see that"...

He: Haan yaar, I am trying...Please see, if you too can help me in some way......." N I almost puked when I imagined me scratching his...Yukk, yukk ,yukkk!

And after that he said, chal yaar kuch khaane chalte hain... EEEMaginee... My orientation got so reinforced...i love girls!

The famous saying that "Life is not cricket" sounds so true to me today...There are no penalties on Ball scratching in real life... :)

Life in a METRO... :)

There is this very good friend of mine, Sunil, with whom I share a strange relation... Every time we meet, our meeting spot becomes the battlefield of kurukshetra and our so called friendly argument turns out to be the third world war. And the bone of contention is not a girl, as we see in popular hindi movies...the main reason for "bhaiyo and dosto mein daraar", but its "pure regionalism"... whether delhi is better or udaipur...oh! if I forgot to tell you that Sunil is not from Delhi, then yes for your information he is an Outsider, and reflects the simplicity of small towns... There is this constant tug of war that goes between us, Delhi, political capital of India, with all ministries, central goverment, a metropolitian city, how can it be even compared to a village like small town Udaipur? or for that matter, any other place? My brain keeps registering, the points that go in favour of my city Delhi, We have Metro, historical monuments, big shopping markets, flyovers, rich and famous people, industries, call centres, sexy youth, delhi university and most importantly it has me! C'mon I am no less than a celebrity...:) For all you people making faces there, let me telll you this is still a modest statement... So what does Sunil have to say after i rest my case? He says we have panoramic views, awesome lakes, natural beauty, a place where you can be alone still not feel bored... I hate those moments when I go dumb and speechless... His words were few but said gazillion of unspoken words and feelings...Yes, what do we have? You sit in your own car with your friend who is a girl because of god's decision and fusion of some XX or XY chromosomes, and for no good reason it creates more than a ripple in the the minds of people and they start hovering around you like bees...Delhi police, which never reaches on time, would this time be right on time, patroling somewhere around you and would ask you to move your car...C'mon give me a break, the world is divided into 3 sects, male, female and transgenders... Our society has not accepted transgenders very well ( which is another issue that just disgusts me to death), I can not be with boys all the time, so I ought to be with girls why does it become such a big issue? People of delhi can be classified into 2 extremes, either they would intrude in your life so much that you wont get space even for yourself, and then others would be so indifferent that they would be living like zombies with no humane feelings left. Then we have youth, full of vanity and shallowness in their behaviour... busy flaunting their hip lifestyle, their attitude and neo-rich class.... Late night parties, booze, fag, is considered to be the hip thing... If you have not gone to disc, people would look at you as an ancestor belonging to some stone age! Yes, one thing that delhi lacks in is "Simplicity", simplicity of thoughts, simplicity of mind, simplicity of heart... Amidst millions of people, somewhere deep inside we, the people of delhi are so lonely... I am sorry if I am generalizing the statement, but atleast i feel so... Delhi has no beautiful beaches, it does not have lakes, weather sucks, stuck in traffic jams we are growing older than other states, politics would make you feel helpless, and growing number of people, buildings, flyovers has left almost no space to see the sky! An honest confession here, if i put it straight is "I dont like Delhi"! Everybody is running, running to achieve, to achieve what, most of us do not know, there is this strange restlessness that i sense everyday, in myself, and in many others...There is no respite in life... And in delhi, there is neither respite, nor life...